Editor’s Note: Where I just Google if it’s a national day of some sort and just get absolutely astounded by the results.

YEP, it’s a list! 5!? types of national days today March, 2nd 2023!!

National Read Across America Day (Dr. Seuss Day): I’m actually ok with this one. I like reading, children should read, everyone should read more and just put the Instagram down. They kinda tried to cancel our dear doc (at least some of his books) a couple years back. It was all boring and stupid and a good reason for everyone not to go on social media. Finally, this is a crossover event with my cultgoespop archive. I’ll be posting an interview I did with The Grinch.

Hateful racist!

World Teen Mental Wellness Day: Not doing such a bang up job here. So, I mean, sure, whatever. It clearly won’t help at all, but I’m not going to bury this one either. I don’t like the first two on the list so far. They are both kind of reasonable and I haven’t been able to fully unleash any real scorn. Those are the breaks when you just randomly Google if it’s a national day or not.

Whateves all you boomers, Xers, Millennials and other other squares I missed

National Old Stuff Day: And we’ve finally arrived. So basically I read up on this a bit more and I’ll quickly summarize the 4 ways suggested to “celebrate”.

  1. Throw your old shit away (can we just call it National Horder’s Day please? At least it would be a bit more honest and address something real while also shaming those weirdo horders.)
  2. Start a vintage record collection and become a cliched idiot like everyone who lives in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Pretty sure it would be impossible to hate National Old Stuff Day more than I currently do.
  3. Talk to older family members and ask piercing questions and learn from their past experiences. How the fuck are people going to be able to do that and be on their phones all day while continuing to ruin their mental health?
  4. Take stock of your daily routine and reflect upon how you can possibly tweak and improve upon some of the aspects of your life. Whatever! I’m perfect bro!
May wanna consider tossing some of this shit weirdo

National Banana Cream Pie Day: Has anyone ever made a Banana Cream Pie since roughly 1969? Banana cream pies should only exists for clowns (who are evil motherfuckers) to throw in each other’s faces.

Everyone hates you and thinks you are a creep.

National Hospitalists Day: I’ve never heard of the term Hospitalists until just about 30 minutes ago when I did my initial Google search for this post. From the article I linked…

The term “hospitalist” was first coined by two physicians who wrote about hospital-based physicians in The New England Journal of Medicine in 1996. It caught on “quickly” (not in article, just me here, ummmm bullshit, quotes around quickly also me). The number of practicing hospitalists has grown to more than 50,000 making it the fastest growing medical specialty in the United States.

So what the fuck is a hospitalist??? Basically it’s a physician or medical professional who only practices inside a hospital. Ivy leagues types love unnecessary affinity groups, this is just more proof.

You don’t 100% work in a hospital, put down the margarita and stop celebrating you disgusting excuse for a health care professional