Editor’s Note: What he said above, also…the Post image is a pic of Dr. Frankenstein, who I assume is exec 1 in the conversation below about Arby’s new loaded fries.

I understand that in some fundamental sense that Americans have just given up. My assertion here could be looked at as an alarmist or reactionary point of view that’s really based upon a nothing burger of a concept, the concept “given up” that I claim has happened to Americans. Totally fair…but I submit to you sometime in 2010 when Kentucky Fried Chicken released “The KFC Double Down”.

Warning: Extended viewing of this picture may end up causing artery blockage

The Double Down just did away with all that pesky bread that helps constitute what makes a sandwich. They instead used two double breaded Extra Crispy chicken breast filets to replace the bread. They then jammed two slices of bacon, two slices of cheese and mayo in-between. Upon the initial release in 2010 KFC sold over 10 million of these “sandwiches”.

I submit the existence of the KFC Double Down as exhibit A in my case about America giving up. It happened in 2010 officially by my watch.

We’re too skinny and on heroin to have eaten one of those gross burgers, but we also have given up and stuff too

I ate a Hardee’s Monster Burger about 20 years ago and I feel a sense of shame every single day of my life since I did that! It’s just that, not everyone revels in the deep dark mental hole that they should properly dwell in after having eaten a monstrosity like The Double Down or the Monster. How do I know? Endless examples exist but my focus today is on Arby’s new Loaded Fries.

If you are in the vicinity of this thing and don’t eat it fast enough, it has the ability to eat you, like The Blob

So this consists of the following items…

Crinkle fries: Hands down the worst type of fries, but fries are an integral part of this horror show so ok.

Melted warm cheddar cheese sauce: I’m betting good money a similar conversation to the one I present below occurred…

Exec 1: I feel like we need a sauce.

Exec 2: They are fries, don’t people just dip them in ketchup or we can just add something like Arby’s zany sauce on the side or something.

Exec 1: Yeah but people are getting pretty lazy these days, this way we just save them the trouble of dipping.

Exec 2: Good point, good point.

Exec 1: So let’s just put some melted cheese from movie nachos on it and call it a day. I mean we have to have cheese on this anyway, it’s mandatory, so we’ll cheese and sauce at the same time.

Exec 2: Sold.

Diced chicken nuggets: Chicken nuggets officially became a food group in America circa 1987 and they became the most important food group around 2006.

Chopped bacon: Bacon is also a food group! It’s the second most important food group, only second to chicken nuggets.

And a drizzle of Arby’s NEW Sweet and Spicy Sauce: I’m betting good money a similar conversation to the one I present below occurred…

Exec 1: You know, we do have that one sauce, but you know what is better than one?

Exec 2: I have no idea? Please let me know so I can keep my job.

Exec 1: Two! We go with two sauces! But we don’t put this one on, so much as we just drizzle it on.

Exec 2: I’m confused.

Exec 1: So there’s still two sauces, but one of those sauces is just a drizzle. The other one is applied normally.

Exec: You are brilliant.