Editor’s Note: The Kraken goes all in.
If you watch sports (which I do all the time) you may have noticed the increase in gambling ad’s for Daily Fantasy (DraftKings) and for the actual games through apps like Caesar SportsBook app and MGM has something similar. You have to be in a state that has legalized sports gambling though and as of today, an astonishing 20 states (!) allow you to legally bet from the comfort of your living room on actual games. This was something that was unthinkable even 10 maybe even 5 years ago. We had flay to Vegas if we wanted sports action.
All of this info is very exciting, unless you still live in a state like Georgia that is still in the Bible belt and tends to trend “conservatively” (read not fun) when it comes to individual freedom/liberty with anything that might be deemed entertaining.
So, what do people like me do, when they still want to gamble a bit? You get an offshore gambling website as your middleman/bookie to place bets. I currently use mybookie.ag (It’s in Argentina). I put $200 roughly 3 years ago into my account. It’s essentially funny money because I can only cash out crypto currency and I’ll never ever do that.
I’ve been down to $40 and I’ll been up to about $450. I’m currently sitting at 155 “dollars” and I’m going to scatter smother and cover it right now and live blog College Football Saturday and my results tomorrow.
The Action:
Friday 7 PM: Louisville -3.5 over NC State. 15 bones. Got an update from buddy “Dr. ACC” (trademarked I think) to go with Louisville. Exact text, “Dr ACC doesnt think NC State can keep up w L’ville tonight”. If Dr. ACC administers a recommendation like this, you are foolish not to listen.
Noon: Syracuse ML over Clemson. 5 bones to win 11 bones. Fuck Clemson. This was my logic for this bet and I like ML’s and had to make a bunch of bets.
Noon: USC -22 over Colorado. 10 bones. Didn’t get to watch much of Colorado’s melt down against the Ducks last week but they weren’t good on offense and USC can score. I’m in the camp of liking coach Prime but I think USC tattoos them.
Noon: Florida ML over Kentucky. 20 bones. I fucking hate the University of Florida with a burning passion. More than any other sports entity in existence. That being said. I’m trying to win and I think they have some momentum and can beat a suspect Kentucky team.
Noon: Arkansas ML over Texas A&M 10 bones to 18.90. This is always a pretty entertaining game at Jerryworld in Dallas. Arky almost beat LSU last week at LSU. I don’t have much science behind my bets, we are just doing this.
3:30: Kansas +16 over Texas. 20 bones. Texas “amazing win” this year is against an Alabama team that is suspect. Give me the points.
6:00: LSU parlay -2.5/under 67.5, 10 bones to win 26. Seems like a trap, lines don’t seem right. I still bet it.
6:30: Oregon -27 over Stanford. 15 bones. I’m trying to ride some hot teams. Oregon is pretty hot and I assume Stanford is trash.
7:30: ND parlay -5.5/under 52.5, 10 bones to win 26. Irish had a tough beat last week, with awful coaching at the end of the game. What could go wrong?
7:30: Iowa under -36.5 against Michigan State. 10 bones. If you know you know.
7:30: South Carolina +12 against Tennessee. 20 bones. Cocks looked good and I also can’t stand/really hate Tennessee. If you read this Kaplan, I do love you though.
5 Team Stone Cutter special parlay. I took UGA, Ga Tech, Iowa, Virgina Tech and Tennessee for a 5 team ML parlay. 10 bones to win 28.22.
So this will be heavily updated throughout the day tomorrow. Cheers.
8:17 AM: I have Sports Center turned on and my Cat Dee just attached Tebow. This is a good omen. Also, I didn’t mention that today is unofficially sponsored by Modelo.
8:24 AM: So I guess I should update last night’s game. Lost by the dreaded 1/2 point. Louisville quarterback Jack, don’t call me Jake the Snake, Plummer threw one of the worst interceptions I’ve seen in years early in the 4th quarter from the five yard line on 1st and goal. They don’t turn the ball over and this would have been coverlicious. Not your fault Dr. ACC. I’ll be flipping between College Game Day, SEC Nation and the Fox show (maybe) before kickoffs. I’ll be making updates regarding any egregious behavior if I see it.
11:02 AM: Game Day at Duke for the first time ever and SEC Nation at Kentucky.
12:04 PM: I got a solid quad cast with 3 of my 4 noon games on! YouTube TV has been a revelation with the quad cast this year, I absolutely love it. I get to watch the Florida/Kentucky, Cuse/Clemson and Colorado/USC!
12:05 PM: Corso dressed up as a Leprechaun and picked ND over Duke. Jay-Z is on the sideline for Colorado.
12:09: USC scores easily on the Prime-times to start the game.
12:22 PM: Clemson scored and Kentucky scored but UK player dropped a TD, had to settle for a FG.
12:32 PM: Kentucky with an INT up 10-0. Clemson up 7-0. A&M up 7-3 and Colorado driving on USC. Trending bad early in early games lol.
12:45: USC up 14-0, got an INT and driving, think Jay-Z may leave at halftime.
12:48: Ray Davis 75 yard TD for Kentucky! Up 17-0 lololol. Not even mad. 16-0 blocked extra point
12:53: USC up 21-0 on Colorado, should have gone way heavier on this game. Joel Klatt just said USC is the best offense along with Washington in the nation. Maybe? These Fox dudes are just fucking shills for the conferences they cover.
12:57: Billy Napier just looks Cro-Magnon to me. Like, he just got back to the cave after beating an animal to death.
12:59: Kentucky just running it all over Florida! SEC Nation guys this morning told me Florida’s D line was really good. Nope.
1:02: Penn State losing to Northwestern on my other quad! Kentucky about to score again! LOL
1:13: I turned on the Arkansas game for 2 plays and they failed a 4th and 1 on the 40 to turn it over to A&M. Bad start to the gambling weekend.
1:42: Dan Mullen on the ESPN halftime show with Florida down 23-7 has to have a massive boner.
1:44: Losing all my bets at the half. Colorado scores a TD to bring it to 34-14. The ML shots all look bad. Gonna need a good second half of the day to salvage this most likely.
1:50: I love October, my favorite month. Halloween is a great holiday but just a ton of shitty horror movies will come out this month. Just saw a preview for The Exorcist Believer. A little girl screamed, “I don’t want to go to Hell!”. So fucking lame.
2:08: Arkansas has gotten 2 TO’s in the 3rd quarter already and showing some life, only down 20-16. Got a shot there. And I need USC to cover, the other two games look real bad.
2:10: Everyone hammering ND for only 10 players on the field at the end of the game against Ohio State. Tessitore just took a shot. It’s been relentless all day by everyone. Deserved.
2:16: Jefferson throws a pick six. Face slap. About time to start drinking!
2:25: I’ve also got to comment on this Wendy’s commercial where this chick is using a french fry to dip in her Frosty like a spoon. I feel like this is Tik Tok’s fault, even though I don’t have it. I just bet some asshole 13 years olds have made videos using french fries as utensils and we get this commercial as a punishment.
2:46: USC is seesawing, but goes back up to cover. Could go either way. Caleb Williams legit reminds me of Maholmes, I think the broadcast crew is right with that comparison. Everything else is pretty much lost in the early games.
2:48: Also, this is such a Lincoln Riley team. Yeah, awesome offense, but shitty D. They will not win it all.
3:09: I’m already watching the CBS pre-game show before the Dawgs kick. That’s how badly my noon picks have gone. Maybe USC comes back to cover? I doubt it. 0-5!! out of the gate. Still got 7 bets and a lot of action on the table.
3:39: SIC EM DAWGS
4:17: Dawgs down 10-0 and so is Kansas in the first. Been a rough day from the couch SO FAR, lots of time left.
4:25: Dawgs roar back 10-7 with a Daijun Edwards TD score. I think he’s been highly under-rated the past couple years and glad he’s our lead back. I just wish his name was Dijon Edwards. I love Dijon Mustard.
4:38: FG DAWGS!!! It’s been problematic 10-10 Kansas hanging in at 13-7
4:53: This car commercial for some SUV with Derek Jeter is worse than the Wendy’s fry in the Frosty commercial. He’s leaving the airport and it’s raining hard, but then he drives to a forest? and there is a wolf??? His wife, probably like 25 years younger than him is taking care of a baby and then they play the song with the lyric, “I drove all night” and he’s driving home in Miami? I want to blow this commercial up.
5:35: UGA struggling down 17-10. Brad just made fun of Gary Danielson, because Gary doesn’t believe in momentum. True story. Texas up 20-13, hanging in there on that front.
6:05: Kansas is wilting 26-14 and Dawgs are tied 17-17. I went to UGA. No one reads this blog lol, it’s a diary.
6:16: Peyton Woodring out of central casting from Buckhead Private HS hits the FG to put the Dawgs up 20-17
6:30: Kansas getting destroyed. I’m getting demolished in my bets lol.
6:35: Suck it Auburn the fucking bitches!
6:39: Also Georgia Tech going to lose to fucking Bowling Green and tank my 5 team Stonecutter ML parlay. Disaster. I won’t ever see that sweet sweet shitcoin
6:46: it’s 6:56
6:57: I have a legit shot to got 0-12 on my bets and lose all my shitcoin!
8:20: A bit of context for the Krusty the Clown image on this post. Krusty bet on the Washington Generals to beat the Harlem Globetrotters. All of my bets so far have aligned with Krusty’s Generals bet. I feel honored at my own incompetence.
8:44: Shane Beamer looks like Sloth from the Goonies younger skinner brother. Josh Heuppel used to look like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. Hate both these teams.
9:09: Riley Leonard, “doesn’t drink, or cuss, he’s the total package” What? His mom sent him a non funny mom text and ESPN has run with this thing like it’s a brilliant Richard Pryor standup set. For posterity he was upset that people were praising his performance (I can understand that a bit) and she texted back, hey Riley, you suck. I love sports but, no one is funny. None of it is funny.
9:23: I’m gonna win a game! I (most likely) won’t get the Krusty Generals honor, but, I will come close. Oregon is up 42-6 on the Stanford Tree with 5 minutes left! I haven’t watched a second of this game. The only one. It’s me not you Tree.
10:05: I’ll adjudicate the carnage tomorrow but I’m going to bed now. This has been fun but, bad from an ego perspective and not as funny overall as I hoped, yet, a good exercise. I don’t care how corrupt Iran (just an example) is, it sucks, but brass tax (I need to Google that term) I wouldn’t trust Crypto to promise what it promises. This wasn’t my overall point, but since I did so shitty today, I do feel the need to reiterate the fact that I don’t trust Crypto from my offshore account in Argentina. I know that’s not how Crypto works, it doesn’t matter the country of origin, Ponzi schemes work regardless (not irregardless) national borders. Fin.
October 3rd, 8:54 PM: So a pretty disastrous day of betting but I had a bunch of fun doing the live blog! I won 2 bets and lost 10! I now sit at $64.64 shit coin. I started off at $155. My two wins were Oregon -27 over Stanford and the Notre Dame parlay, which was a big late win for me.
I’m thinking I may bet all of the remaining shitcoin on a game to be decided later and live blog that! Could be fun?