I just finished reading Neal Stephenson‘s mind blowing The Baroque Cycle, which consists of 8 books altogether. This series of books is historical fiction which covers ground in the mid to late 17th Century and ends in 1714. It takes the reader around the globe and then some.

Earlier this year I reread Stephenson’s book Cryptonomicon, which I loved the first time around, but it just blew my mind for various reasons upon my revisit. When I was nearing the end of Cryptonomicon I got excited to read The Baroque Cycle, which ends up being a bit of a prequel (of sorts) to C because of a prominent character who is in both and other descendants of important characters from C.

I’m also not a some sort of literary critic and I don’t even fashion myself one. I did however come up with an idea near the end of C and carried it into TBC. I love Stephenson as an author so I just picked out bits of text (the first 2 from C the other from TBC) that I think would be funny fantasy sports team names. Most of the excerpts from below are too long to actually be fantasy sports team names, but on I proceed cause some would work and all make me laugh.

This is a picture of LaGarret Blount. Why a pic of him in this post? Cause my favorite fantasy team I ever came up with was LaGarret’s Blunt.

Be on alert for flowing lava

The lead guitarist looks like Chester in a wig

the Society of Britannic Abductees

Sealed them into a cave with bears

I had dismissed it as a whim of interior decoration

The superstitious minds of the bacon-eaters

beaten to death with a stick by an Irishman

Less prestigious subcastes who cultivated the left bank of the third part

“We would view our potato”, the king said doggedly

And so it’s Irish you are, by default

killed by Indians or hanged for a witch

Reducing her chin count to a mere three

Exactly the sort of church Drake would have set fire to with extreme prejudice

excavating a pit in his congealed porridge

and that I would go to my death in a wheelbarrow

creating localized panics among the sheep and chickens

Spend their lives losing at cards and killing themselves with gin

Set on fire by a roving mob of Swedish incendiaries

He is a very reputable theif

a child being passed around by a crowd at a hanging

Angry and emphatic notes in diverse Northern European languages

To run over pedestrians is frowned upon

Distasteful, that. Impaling Jesuits with cellos

An infallible trick for locating oceans

Another contingent of blokes

By : 404kraken